Hi there!

Even when less then 5 people will actually read this for real, I'm still gonna tell you how it's going.

Well, to be honest, it's going bad and it gets worser every day, evry hour, every minute every second....
Yeah.. Some drama..

Lately, a lot of people are dieing. I don;t know, all what people have to tell me is that someone died. A couple of weeks ago, a member of my sportgroup died, just.. unexpected. And it made me scarred already, and from that moment, all I hear is people are dead. People I used to know or still knowing. Or someone I have never met, but still near. ( like the mother of the best friend of my brother, never knew her, but I know her son, and still it hurts!) I get scarred, that the most important people in my live, also die now. I don't want to lose them, can't live without them !

Next to this.. I really fail at school.. my rates vary from very good to the opposit ( very bad ). And now that it's my graduation year, there's a lot of stress going on. And I'm also thinking in the future time. I am preparing myself for the second big goodbye. Now I'm used to this place, this school, I am settled again and in less then six months I have to leave again. That means also, I wont see jason not as much as I do now. I don;t know if I can survive that!! I really need him!

Well, next to the being scarred and the stress there is something going on between my parents and me. My mother in particular. She tries her best to be a good mother, and sure she is! But though.. Nothing I am doing right in her eyes, nor she accept the love I share with Jason. I think she proofs it wrong, or just don;t like him. I'm almust 100% sure she doesn't like him, I know her thoughts for most of them and I know all she thinks as prejudice. Her way of seeing the world and thinking I just can;t stand. She judge me whenever she can, for every little thing I even did not wrong.


Well.. next to all of this.. I'm just not myself anymore for a little while.
not that I'm depressed, I'm just feeling down ( I'm depressed when a doktor says I am.. untill that time, I'm just feeling down)


And then there's a little happy news, after all this whining,
I found a new band on youtube!!! ( well, it's not a new band, but more a new band for my musiccollection ( and yes, I have a collection.. I'm an addict! >< ) )
Owl city!!!!!!!! Amazingly good songs! Get a little happier when I listen to them! ( and it seems the band is haunting me.. cause when I was looking for a cd of Mike oldfield, I came acroos the newest cd of Owlcity! and when I tuned in on MTV The song 'Fireflies' was on . Love the band and their music!
Also, Since my brother is been moved to his own place, I got his room, which is bigger than my old one, and now there's a big bed, and more space! ^^ ( though, I miss his presence here... feel very lonely sometimes!! ( well actually a lot! ))

Christmas is coming up, I'm busy shopping presents for my loved ones. also, I am going to a gala of school, and a gala of my old danceschool. So, twice the joy, twice the pretty dresses and hot boys in tuxedo ^^ Yay ( ssst don't tell my dear jason, still I will just look.. only look.. Jason is my everything, and still the most beautiful one )

And, the most positive thing I'm gonna tell is.. that.. The mother of jason is pregnant. In march the little baby is expected! And, it's a little bit funny, cause it can be born on her birthday. though, it also can be mine! ^^ well, it will be a boy! I can;t wait till it's born, I am really excited!

Well, Some of you would already have fallen asleep or just left my page.
Well, I understand
So, now I'm gonna say goodbye!

Byebye
Dada

Love you!